Thursday, September 3, 2015

6 Tips for Picking Up Girls

Picking up girls can be hard work! As a taken man, I have finally mastered it though and I am here to help! Here are 6 tips to help you pick up the ladies!

6. Lift From the Knees.
Women can be heavy. That's why it's super important that you use proper lifting techniques. Lifting with the back can be hard on your body and cause long time injury. And when you have no idea if it'll work out, it simply isn't worth the risk.

The better bet is to wear a back brace while lifting from the knees. Especially if the lady in question is particularly heavy. Anything over 50lbs requires this. Be careful!

5. Tell Her She is Beautiful.
A woman needs to know that you find her attractive. This is because all women are inherently very vain. This fact is evidenced by all the mirrors they have. Most women have at least like three or four. A mirror in the bathroom. A mirror in their purse. A foldable mirror. A handled mirror. A long, body mirror. The list goes on and on.

So it's your job to stroke her ego. Think of it like a puppy. It is fragile and needs a lot of attention. Feed it and it will be happy. Starve it and you may die.

4. Compliment Her Friends.
The best way to a woman's heart is through her chest. Since that is technically murder, try going through her friends. They are the best way to make her love you. Tell her every day how hot her friends are. Girls love that crap. If they feel they have hot friends, they will think they must be hot too. Law of attraction or whatever.

But whatever you do, never hang out with her friends. They will make up stories about you. That is never good.

3. Show Her Your Awesome Van.
Women love the inside of vans. If you find a woman, shove her into your van. She will struggle at first, but when she sees all that you have did to make it special, she will loves it.

Be sure to vacuum the shag carpet in your van and to fluff the pillows. Women are picky and only want the best. And you have the best!

2. Stare at Her.
Women need to know you love only them. Like a puppy, she needs a lot of attention. Since women are such needy needy creatures, maybe don't never break eye contact. They will love it. Am they will love you. Also no blinking.

1. Heavy Breathing.
Nothing says I love you and you also must love me like heavy breathing. If you sound like an asthmatic, you are doing it right. You see, love takes work. And work takes breathing. The harder you work, the harder you breathe. Simple as that. Women will fall for you.

And that is that. You are now prepared to Woo the Womans. Be sure to tune in this January for new episodes of my hit show on the YouTubes. And watch the old videos already. Until next time, stay wooing. 

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