Saturday, September 5, 2015

5 More Reasons I Should Be Your Hero

I know, I know. I am already your hero. You love me and want to be me when you grow up.

You probably also have Robby Monroe pajamas and a nightlight shaped like my face. But in the extremely unlikely event that you weren't convinced by my last post about all my accolades, here are 5 More Reasons I Should Be Your Hero.

5. I Am Unusually Humble.
I may be the most humble person in the world. Or on the world as the case may be. I never brag. And I make sure that people know all my awesome accomplishments so that they know I'm not going around bragging about them.

If I had to list ten really humble people, I would only be able to think of myself since I am so humble that I would literally fill the spaces of humility and make everyone else seem really vain.

In a contest of humility or Negative Pride, I faced off against Ghandi and Mother Teresa. I won. And now I humbly hang the certificate I made for myself over the mantle.

Now yes, it is true that I held and judged the Nega-Pride competition myself. But who else could? I wasn't trying to make myself the best at being humble. It just happened.

4. I Can Count.
I can count to like 57 in American, to san in Japanese, to quatro in Mexican. I'm really good at counting.

I don't know how to count in metric. It's all binary to me.

3. I Can Spell.
As I'm certain you have already nocited, I am relally good at spleling. You can easily see this demonstrated in all my awesome blog posts.

I once lost a spelling bee because the judge was wrong. But that was their phault. 

2. I Have Been Outside Before.
Not to brag, but I have been outside before. Don't worry about what I was doing. Just trust me. It was outside. There was a sky, a moon, a sun a few galaxies, some stars, some clouds, unicorns etc. definitely really was outside. 

There is no real way to verify this one. Pictures don't work outside, so that's no good. And besides, it's better just to trust me.

1. I Am Unusually Humble.
I was so proud of this one that I had to do it twice. It is absolutely an indisputable fact that I may be the most humble person in the world. Or on the world as the case may be. I never brag. And I make sure that people know all my awesome accomplishments so that they know I'm not going around bragging about them.

If I had to list ten really humble people, I would only be able to think of myself since I am so humble that I would literally fill the spaces of humility and make everyone else seem really vain.

In a contest of humility or Negative Pride, I faced off against Ghandi and Mother Teresa. I won. And now I humbly hang the certificate I made for myself over the mantle.

Now yes, it is true that I held and judged the Nega-Pride competition myself. But who else could? I wasn't trying to make myself the best at being humble. It just happened.

That's it for now. You're welcome. See ya!

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