Saturday, August 8, 2015

Ranting About Twentieth Century Fox

Golly! It sure has been a while since my last post! My count says like 5 days, but probably longer? Ah who knows? Anyway, FANT4STIC hit cinemas this past week and it seems to be a colossal failure! I have to admit, I saw this coming from a mile away. It's not that I don't believe that Marvel's first family can have a good movie (though that has yet to happen). It's not that I had a problem with the casting. Not that either. My problem was more fundamental. You see, I have issues with the studio.

Twentieth Century Fox is the garbage pile of film. It's where you send ideas that you're trying to murder. Need examples? Here's a list of some of their crowning achievements in recent years (from my favored genre of comic and Sci-Fi fantasy stories):

--Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace
--Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones 
--X-Men: The Last Stand
--X-Men Origins: Wolverine
--Dragon Ball Evolution
--Fantastic Four
--Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer
--LXG: League of Extraordinary Gentlemen
--Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li

Notice anything? All of those are existing properties with rich lore and wonderful stories to tap into (I won't even get into their abysmal rendition of Biblical stories). I'm not complaining about their original properties here. Chronicle was pretty good. They had some other hits too. But not these. Not their purchased properties. I won't touch on everything here, but I'll talk about a few. 

Now, I am not a fan of the X-Men films. I think they are a bleak, leathery version of the bright, exciting (dare I say astonishing) characters that I grew up with. BUT I can recognize when a film is good and when a film is crap. The first two X-Men films along with First Class and Days of Future Past are decent enough in terms of filmmaking, but they betray the source material. All of them do. However, the ones I mentioned above seem to go out of their way to insult the legacy of Wolverine and the other mutants. From Baraka-Pool to the most pitifully lame Jean Grey/Phoenix story ever; from literal magic bullets to slapstick toilet humor (there was literally a joke in Origins that occurred in the bathroom wherein Wolverine slices a sink up). Don't get me started on the craptastic special effects.

Daredevil & Elektra
Probably the bane (get it) of Ben Affleck's career, Daredevil stands as one of the most horrid comic books adaptations to date. It had dark red leather jump suits, weird everything and the gothiest of goth bands in the soundtrack. I don't need Evanescence in my superhero movies! What happened to John Williams?!

Star Wars
Ah yes. Mr. Williams was busy scoring these piles of garbage. Someone at Fox gave Lucas too much say. These movies came across as racist, insensitive, boring, creepy and annoying all at the same time. The Phantom Menace wasn't menacing. The Clones didn't attack. What the heck?!

Dragon Ball Evolution
This may be their biggest crime against pop culture. I genuinely believe that the studio was intentionally trying to piss me off when they made this movie. I'll post an anime comparison review soon, so check it out. But this movie sucks. By anime standards, it is a spit in the face. By film standards, it is a joke. It is a $45,000,000 waste of celluloid. Ugh. 

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