Sunday, February 8, 2015

My Old Ways

It's funny how life goes. I remember being so enthralled with things that I can't bring myself to enjoy anymore.

I tend to pour myself dry. It's both my greatest virtue and my worst vice. You can pour yourself into the wrong thing, ya know. And when that happens, the whole thing becomes a vessel of disappointment. I poured myself into people and hobbies that never poured back and I dried up. I cracked.

So what happens when you get it right? Well, I suppose that's where we are today. Despite my stubbornness, I finally learned that pouring myself into my King is the only satisfying recipient of me, because I am His. And He pours me into all that He wants me to be in and He fills me back up with Himself and I am never dry and I never crack (so long as I persist and endure). But pouring and being poured is an arduous endeavor. You can get dizzy. And it might hurt.

Right now I'm sitting in a coffee shop in Seattle. I am trying to like it here. I was so excited four months ago. Now I'm just sad all the time. My heart longs for something else. A different home.

I'm so frustrated. 

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